FATASS UPDATE
PYTHAGOREAN OATH
"I swear by the discoverer of the [ Tetraktys] which is the Spring
of all our wisdom the perennial fount and root of Nature."
BREAKING NEWS!!! March, 2004, Fatass Update:
YO, fatasses, listen up. Based on current trends obesity is overtaking smoking as the leading United States killer and will become the No. 1 by 2005, with the toll surpassing 500,000 deaths a year, rivaling the annual deaths from cancer, [ Journal of the American Medical Association] researchers reported in Actual Causes of Death in the United States, 2000.* The actual leading causes of death in 2000 were tobacco (435,000 deaths; 18.1% of total US deaths), poor diet and physical inactivity (400,000 deaths; 16.6%)...These analyses show that smoking remains the leading cause of mortality. However, poor diet and physical inactivity may soon overtake tobacco as the leading cause of death...
Coincidentally, (OR NOT), [ University of Cincinnati College of Medicine] researchers report on a new drug which inhibits tobacco smoking AND appetite. [ Rimonabant] increases immunoreactivity in the [ prefrontal cortex], the most evolved of the brain systems. THAT OUGHTA DO IT! However, the [ neural basis] of the prefrontal cortex remains a mystery. The real mystery is why are these nimrods fucking with an area of the brain for which they have no understanding?
[ Sigmund Freud] (Big Sig) outlines in [ Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality] the five stages of manifestations of the sexual drive, the oral stage (fixation) being number one. The oral stage (age 0 - 1.5) focuses on the erogenous zone of the mouth, for which eating, as well as mouth movement, including sucking, gumming, biting and swallowing are considered "gratifying activities." (Whadda bunch of crap!) One thing Big Sig did get right is ya'll SUCKERS ARE INFANTILE. Big Al has been tryin' to tell ya'll that all you have to do is STOP SUCKING! The good news is if ya'll just SHUT UP (and that includes talking shit) ya'll will stop smoking, lose weight, and lose the severe diarrhea of the mouth. NO SHIT, (literally).
*Ali H. Mokdad, PhD; James S. Marks, MD, MPH; Donna F. Stroup, PhD, MSc; and Julie L. Gerberding, MD, MPH. JAMA, 2004; Vol. 291: 1238-1245.
