H - Q
Big Al is getting fed up with the earthlings sittin' in the Misery Window at Starfucks, I mean Starbucks, debating H2O on Mars. Now don't get Big Al wrong...ya'll know his favorite babes are BIG MAMA EARTH and Miss Marilyn Monroe. He has a special place in his heart for BIG MAMA EARTH's liquid H2O; rain, oceans, and yes, tears.
"Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you
I'm still alright to smile...
All we need is just a little patience."
Lyrics from Patience Axl Rose © 1988 GN'R LIES, RCA.
What the earthlings are really talking about is the possibility of 'LIFE' on Mars. BOGUS! See the floating lobster (Big Al ate him for lunch the other day)? THAT'S LIFE, life on BIG MAMA EARTH, ya'll. Trust Big Al, you won't be having any lobster lunches on Mars. Runaway Greenhouse Effect: more greenhouse heating means more H2O evaporation; more H20 evaporation releases more CO2 absorbed by oceans; more CO2 in atmosphere increases greenhouse heating; soon oceans EVAPORATE completely. SOUND FAMILIAR? Mars will eat your sorry asses alive. Thin CO2 atmosphere, no ozone layer, way too much UV, and to cap it, CO2 and H2O polar ice (i.e., it's colder than a witch's tit). So instead of sitting around talkin' shit about what you don't know, why don't you get off your fat butts and do something about the condition of BIG MAMA EARTH's liquid H2O. PATIENCE, those of you who are shedding tears, PATIENCE, you're still alright to smile.
BIMBO ALERT! The Million Women Study "MWS" is out and it ain't good. For years the American Medical Association "AMA," membership of which is heavily invested in the pharmaceutical industry, has been using ya'll as a trial group. Yep, human experimentation on your butts. Last year a U.S. study, the Women's Health Initiative "WHI," concluded that the estrogen/progestin cocktails you junkies have been swilling significantly increase your chances of breast cancer to the tune of 100,000 more cases per year in women ages 50-64 in the United States, as well as the risks for heart attacks, strokes, and deadly blood clots.
The MWS found those who take any hormones, whether estrogen alone or in combination with progestin, face a higher risk of breast cancer. However, Rowan T. Chlebowski of the Harbor-UCLA Research and Education Institute, a principal investigator on the WHI study, concluded in May 2003 that it was safe to continue the estrogen-only arm of the study. DRINK UP BIMBOS! The doc says its okay. Maybe in another ten years ya'll will grow tits on your faces.
Ice is much more than those little cubes you put in your martini shakers, ya'll. Big Al 'members when he was a child how he loved to watch the snow flakes falling and was particularly impressed with the absolute individuality of each flake's crystalline structure. The first time he saw the Ice Queen he was walking in the snow under a shining "evening star" Venus (there ain't no ice on Venus, that's for sure). Big Al was immediately smitten and will never forget her pristine beauty.
Betcha don't know that most of the gas produced by a comet comes from an ice particle halo. The International Cometary Explorer "ICE" in its the first close encounter of the comet kind found that ice particles are blown off the nucleus of the comet by the wind created as ice boils off the surface. Although the particles are only a fraction of the total mass of the comet, they could be responsible for as much as ninety percent of the gas seen in the coma, a cloudlike mass that with the nucleus forms the comet's head. Holy shit, there's even ice on the moon!
Mysterious Antarctica lies at the very bottom of our planet. It is the coldest, windiest, driest and highest of all the continents. Over the last half-century, the coastal ice on the Antarctic Peninsula has been gradually disappearing. Scientists are beginning to wonder if we are on the verge of a great flood that may consume the world's coastlines and warnings from the ice abound.
Big Al isn't scared because all he has to do is dream of his Ice Queen, her ice castle and her icy beauty. Can ya blame him? Thoughts of her sure keep him warm and snuggly on a snowy evening.
"There is no dark side of the moon really...matter of fact it's all dark."
Lyrics from Eclipse © 2003 DUB SIDE OF THE MOON Easystar Records.
In case you haven't noticed, Big Val has pretty much taken over recently. She's in her "whimsical" space, ergo, the mermaids, green faeries and who knows what else. Big Al ain't "whimsical" at all but he has some important stuff to take care of so, Big Val is taking advantage of the situation (she's good at that). Don't get Big Al wrong, he has been suffering the persistence of lunacy for quite a long time. THE MOON is a powerful force. Her phases influence the tides and menstruation, assists gardeners, and she gives most of us full moon fever every month. Big Al never tires of walking in her light, gazing at her especially during an eclipse, making love under her and 'course moon bathing. Ancient civilizations built monolithic structures to the moon. The position of Stonehenge coincides with solstices and cycles of the moon as does the great Pyramid of the Moon in Mexico. Earthworks in the Ohio River Valley, circa 100 B.C. - 400 A.D. include an octagon that accurately marks the moon's rising. Big Al thinks Big Val goes too far but he cannot control her (nobody can). She's a lunatic too, so everybody just humor her and I'll be back kickin' mass soon!
Oh that Big Al needs to read a coupla faerie tales and have a sip of absinthe (la Fée Verte). That oughta set him straight (he's pretty straight already). Yeah, ya'll, Big Val is goin' thru a transformation, just like the Luna Moth, and it's ALL GOOD! As far as Big Val is concerned, THE MOON IS MADE OF GREEN CHEESE. Can'tcha see? Look, all ya'll have to do is put on your faerie wings and hitch a ride on a back of a Saturniidae (L. daughter of Saturn), swing by the Dark Side of the Moon and drop some faerie dust so those poor suckers down there can see. She's a sight for sore eyes, ain't she?
You losers who take your calculators to math class are really going to kick yourselves in the mass, 'cause GUESS WHAT? You're never gonna be able to do fractal math. Yeah, and if you think Euclidean geometry was rough don't even think about twisting your pea brains into the infinite realm of Fractual Equations. Don't let it bring you down 'cause you can still have lotsa fun without knowing anything about complex numbers, algorithms, or in your cases, simple numbers. ZOOM, ZOOM kids!
WHOOPS. Almost forgot. Sterling Professor of Mathematical Sciences at Yale University and Original Freak Benoit B. Mandelbrot, who is known as the "father of fractals," blew scientists and mathematicians away when he invented the Mandelbrot set. Big Al would sure like to meet the babe he made (these with), anytime, anywhere. Mandelbrot is an original member of the REVOLUTION OF MASS, turning chaos into order and providing morons like you with a look into the mysterious, enigmatic parallel universe of fractals. Course, now, everybody's DUBBIN' da 'brot. JA man.
Mutant
Heads up, geeks. The attack of the Mutant Corn has begun. A Mutant Corn UFO crash landed recently in Giant Food, Roadside Market advertising "fresh local produce" in Charlottesville, Virginia. Transgenic contamination of maize. Let's give it up for bio-engineering. Yeah! Hey you bio-engineers EAT THIS! U-M-M-M, a rat's ass spliced with corn. Or dry and HANG IT on your cocker knocker for Indian Summer...it's some bad-ass JUJU kids. Here you see a weapon of mass destruction. Agriculture. Sure. The culture has been destroyed. Agribusiness. Now we are talking shit. Grow it faster, bigger, fatter, whiter. Sure.
"Confuse them with Fission and Fusion
Under the spreading chestnut tree,
I sold you and you sold me.
The worse things get the better...
The atomic bomb is shit.
I am become death,
The shatterer of worlds."
Excerpts from S 1 © 2000 Judy Hiramoto, the artist who also created Oppenheimer's Sink.
Okay ya'll, get out there and purchase nuclear blast and fallout shelters 'cause I think you're gonna need 'em. Pretty soon too. Prolly better race your fat butts down to your local nuclear blast and fallout shelter store and stock up 'cause North Korea has just told the United States it has been conducting a secret nuclear weapons program in violation of their 1994 agreement. WELL, IT AIN'T SECRET ANY MORE.
Big Al remembers back on August 6, '45 when that Superfortress B-29 bomber named ENOLA GAY (after the pilot's mom) took off at 2:45 a.m. with a heavy load and headed out toward Hiroshima. The heavy load was a nuclear fission bomb named "LITTLE BOY" and holy shit! "LITTLE BOY" was anything but little. They dropped the atomic bomb over Japan at 8:15 a.m. L.T. The co-pilot wrote in his journal, after seeing the awful, boiling mushroom of what had been the city of Hiroshima, "My God, what have we done?" GOOD QUESTION. You can thank those Manhattan Project Fuckers. Man, Big Al shoulda never told Pres Frankie DR that splitting the nucleus of heavy elements like Uranium and Plutonium creates energy.
The Great Sea has set me
In motion
Set me adrift
And I move as a weed in the river.
The arch of sky
And mightiness of storms
Encompasses me,
And I am left
Trembling with joy.
...INUIT Poem
ORCA is the biggest, baddest mass of all in the vast universe of the sea. Think SATURN ya'll. Inuit Indian culture has been based on whale hunting for thousands of years. The kill of a single whale provides tons of meat for an Inuit community (subsistence whaling). SEDNA is the Inuit goddess of the sea. There are many versions of the myth of SEDNA, but their commonality is in her ultimate release of mammals to allow the Inuit to eat from the bounty of the sea. Hunters have great respect for her (they betta, 'cause she'll eat'em).
ORCA's numbers (as well as other whales, fish, porpoises, dolphins, seals, sea turtles, alligators, oysters [pearls], sea horses, crustaceans and mermaids) have diminished at a frightening rate during the past century as a result of man's over-fishing and polluting our oceans. As usual, Indians GET SCREWED. Some whacked out racists organized under the name of S.E.D.N.A. have attacked the Indians physically and verbally for recently recovering a small bit of their culture with the limited taking of the Bowhead whale. TYPICAL! These losers using the name of the goddess is not only ironic, it is stupid and REALLY BAD KARMA, YA'LL.
"There's no passion, I need passion
You need passion, We need passion
Can't live without passion. . ."
Lyrics from Passion © Rod Stewart 1980
'Course Big Al knows at this time of year PASSION has a very profound meaning for millions of people. Thing he can't figure tho' is why our favorite non-violent civil disobedient J.C.'s SUFFERING of torture and crucifixion would be referred to as the PASSION. SUFFERING is not PASSION, it's SUFFERING. Ya'll ITSA STRETCH! Strong emotion, zeal, and sexual desire are synonymous with PASSION, as are desire, eloquence, emotion, excitement, fervor, interest, love, mania, rage, sacred music, torment, violence, will. . .not SUFFERING. Big Al will tell you what SUFFERING is: she takes her Avlimil, he takes his Viagra and they go at it. . .now that's SUFFERING!
PASSION is the stuff of the gods and goddesses. We aspire to it and when very, very lucky experience it. Venus, daughter of Zeus and Goddess of Love, had many lovers. . . Adonis, Mars, Vulcan. She and her son Eros became a metaphor for sexual love. Plato defined Eros (love) as being PASSION aroused by beauty. The planet Venus (transitting June 8, 2004) represents PASSION in the heavens and is woven into the fabric of our speech and culture. Mons Veneris (mound of Venus) is a delicious metaphor and the carnivorous Venus Fly Trap attracts prey with sweet smelling nectar located in deadly jaws. . . YA'LL KNOW THAT TRAP OH SO WELL! Finally, in the words of Mr. Donald Trump from The Art of The Comeback ©1997 "If you don't have PASSION about who you are, about what you are trying to be, about where you are going, you might as well. . . GIVE UP. PASSION IS THE ESSENCE OF LIFE, and certainly the essence of success." Whether or not you like Mr. Trump's hair, HE OUGHTA KNOW!
Hold on to your hats girls and boys...we're gonna take some QUANTUM LEAPs (from its use in physics meaning the sudden jump of an electron, atom, and the like from one energy level to another) here. MR. "HOLLYWOOD" HARVEY EARL, The Da Vinci of Detroit (beauty for everyone was his rap), was responsible for the quantum leap the automobile industry took when he designed the 1958 Firebird III, a futuristic experimental car with an on-board computer. Whadda GEEK! Handsome tho.
Quantum mechanics and aerodynamics are inexorably linked. Pretty much ya got one, ya got the other. Aerodynamics has taken QUANTUM LEAPs in the last century. Ya got bicycles, compressible aerodynamics calculators, the Feynman Double Slit (we're not talkin' pussies, we're talkin' bullets and electron guns, you know, AMMO), kites, motorcycles, probablity, racing cars, rocketships, software (SYNAPS), uncertainty, and ya even got bugs. Check out the Robo-fly Dr. Michael Dickinson, known fondly as "flyman," created in his lab at the University of California, Berkeley, where he is professor of Integrative Biology. Dickinson is a MacArthur Fellow (he won their "genius" award). Whadda GEEK!
The background patch signifies the Space Shuttle Columbia's scientific mission, STS-107, intended to carry out a series of routine biological, medical and physics experiments when it crashed on February 1, 2003. The NASA (Need Another Seven Astronauts) line is accidents are inevitable and there will be more accidents in the future. Great recruiting line. Big Al remembers the Mars Climate Orbiter Space Probe crash. Apparently one team used English units (e.g., inches, feet and pounds) while the other used metric units for a key spacecraft operation, critical to the maneuvers required to place it in the correct Mars orbit. "Our inability to recognize and correct this simple error has had major implications," said Dr. Edward Stone, Director of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Duh. Inches ain't centimeters and $125 million ain't hay.
